A Quick Note on the Patpong Sex Show

This note is for readers of this blog who might visit Bangkok someday, and might be tempted to indulge in that strange ritual that is the Patpong ping-pong show. It has become part of the Thailand tourism 'experience,' so much so that almost every friend that swings through town believes they ought to see this bizarre sexual theatre. I try to talk them out of it, and if that doesn't work they end up going on their own. But last night I went with guests. And it was the worst 15 minutes I have ever spent in Thailand. Period. 

In a dingy, blacklit room that smelled of piss and cigarettes, we watched 5 disinterested women well into middle age do strange things with eggs and needles and glow-in-the-dark rings. It's boring and rather sad, but that's not the worst part. 

The place that we happened upon was not a safe place to be, evidenced by the shouting matches between clients (usually foreign tourist couples, sometimes with kids) who were getting ripped off to the tune of $250 (Yes, that is 8000 baht) for a couple beers. If you don't pay, you're surrounded by shouting women who don't let you out, as well as a few thick-armed thugs who glower and guard the door. It's pure intimidation and extortion, in a dark, strange, disorienting room. Police are not allowed in (they carded my Thai friend to make sure he wasn't police) and you really have no legal or personal protection once you're inside. I assume most people pay and get the hell out. 

After about 10 minutes of watching this, and getting dripped on by a leaky air-conditioner (liquid in a run-down strip club ain't cool) we decided to leave. There was a glass on our table of orange soda with a straw in it. It wasn't ours and I moved it to an empty table. In that glass was the scam -- that orange soda cost 3200 Baht, or about $98. After arguing with a Thai woman who spoke to me with a ferocity that gave me goosebumps, we paid for what we drank (400 baht for 4 beers) and left. A bouncer shoved me around a little bit on the way out for good measure, and that woman told me to 'shut my mouth' about her scam. They attempted to charge us eight times our bar tab for that single orange soda. I was sober throughout, which made the visit even less pleasant.

To all who think this is 'part of the Bangkok experience' I assure you it's not. There's nothing Thai about it, actually: Thais don't scream at guests, they don't intimidate tourists, and they certainly don't pull sharp things out of their private parts. The only thing that's Thai about it are your own preconceived notions (which some unsavory characters will happily indulge for financial gain). It's also disgusting, and can be dangerous. 

If you want to experience the rougher side of Thai culture, go to a kickboxing fight and sit high in the stands at Lumphini Stadium. Place a bet or two with the bookies if you want, drink some cold Chang from plastic cups, dig the old music and watch the rats scurry beneath rickety stands. You'll lose a lot less money, and have a lot more fun.       

Comments

[Paul Garrigan]

I've never been to one of these shows, and I'm even less likely to go after reading your blog. I wouldn't say that I'm prudish or anything, but these places do seem to bring out the worst in people. I think that some people probably even feel a bit guilty about being there and this makes them even more of a likely target for a scam - they just want to get away without any fuss.

I wouldn't say that I've any moral objection to strips shows or even people firing ping-pongs out of their privates. I just feel uncomfortable in such places so I don't go to them. Why anyone would want to bring kids to such a place is beyond me.

[Jarrett]

Agreed Paul. This isnt a tirade against strip clubs. But these specific places are run by bad people, for tourists that they know will never return and have no recourse when they cheat them. Sometimes for fantastic sums of money. And theyre nasty, and the experience really has nothing to do with this country and its culture. In short: I wish theyd go away. 

[Paul Garrigan]

I think that as long as money is to be made this type of place will continue to exist. People are very short-sighted when it comes to money.

[nicolas]

I can recommend a couple of places if you like: it really won't do to judge the whole bag by one bad apple now will it.

[Austin]

Looks like somebody didn't read the Lonely Planet guide ;) (I think this is the first time I've ever used an emoticon, I'm not sure if I got it right.) This scam has been going on forever, but I had no idea they were overcharging this much. Crazy.

[IanG]

Those are amazing bar charges. Are the tourist police bought off? One wonders how such a scam could continue without police complicity.

Tourists are well-advised to ensure that they stay well within the law while in Thailand. Scammers want to get you into compromising positions, for their profit. Stay away from sexshows, possibly underage girls, bargain gold jewellery, and gems for cheap. They do see you coming :-)

[sharkguy]

With kids??? Not exactly wholesome family entertainment...Can't wait to hit Lumphini Stadium on my next trip over there

[CSIAM]

The Thai Police are behind this scam and many others.
http://thailandtouristmafia.blogspot.com/2009/02/thailand-tourist-mafia.html

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Thank you for writing this. Every time a friend visits they want to go see one of these shows, and every time I have to explain why it's a bad idea. Next time, I will just send them this link.

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